Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
