whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
