I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
‎"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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