I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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