whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
