i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
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I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
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He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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