I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I have aggressive nipples.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Randomize
