I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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