I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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