cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
