Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
