i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
