the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
