I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
