In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Randomize
