So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
