So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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