no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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