hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
