sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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