idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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