Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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