Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Randomize
