don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
