He is an equal opportunity slut.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
