omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
