my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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