i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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