i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
