I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I checked into jail on foursquare
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
