I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
