I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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