so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
