the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
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