i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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