Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
