I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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