Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She's the barista slut.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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