I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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