A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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