I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
