went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
