I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
