I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
