Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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