It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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