does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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