I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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