I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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