Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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