We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
