if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
