i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
