Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
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i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
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It's no shave November. This is our time.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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