i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
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I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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