Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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