you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
