my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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