Banned from zoo.
Again?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Green mimosas i think yes
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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