I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
