You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
