were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
