he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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