im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
