At least make sure they are 18
Why
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
