they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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