im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
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I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
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Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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