Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
