There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
