So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
